Disrupt Your Narrative | Charisma

Welcome to Disrupt Your Narrative

To disrupt your narrative means to challenge or interrupt the established story or framework that you have created about yourself, your life, or a particular situation. It involves questioning and reevaluating the assumptions, beliefs, and patters that shape your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Each Wednesday at 8am EST, I release a newsletter outlining one of the most impactful ways you can disrupt your narrative and begin taking control of your life.

What Exactly Does it Mean to Disrupt our Charisma?

People tend to think of charisma as a static trait, unable to be altered. Like they were born with their “level” of charisma and that is the end of the discussion. I am living, breathing proof that proves that sentiment wrong. I’m not here to flex my profound charisma or anything, but I will tell a tale of development. Anyone can train themselves to acquire charisma, just like you can learn to speak publicly or run 10 miles.

It’s kind of hard to think of child as “charismatic”, and it’s particularly hard to think of childhood Connor as charismatic, because I was most certainly not. I’ve never been a conversationalist, but when I was younger, I was mortified of people and genuinely despised discourse. If someone started crying, you could count me out, I would be halfway out the door unable to even face the prospect that another person was in need of a serious conversation.

As I grew up, that changed to a degree and I was more emotionally intelligent, able to gauge emotions and react accordingly, but it was truthfully inauthentic. I didn’t really know how to show I cared about others during a conversation, but I learned to kind of say and do what they wanted. It wasn’t until I was nearly 20 I started noticing the profound impact charisma could have. I stopped speaking even more than I already had and started listening infinitely more.

‘Wait, people don’t want to hear me talk or tell stories?’ I thought. ‘No, they want someone to listen to them, and they want it badly.’

The most interesting person in the room, I came to find, is seldom he/she/they who exude the greatest confidence and promulgates the most attention-grabbing anecdote. It’s the person who listens to with pure intentions and a genuine interest. Most people don’t want to hear your stories, but want you to hear theirs. There’s a time to tell your stories, but I’d defer to 20% speaking/80% listening. Of course, if you’d rather dominate the conversation, that is fine, but you won’t exactly be disrupting your charisma.

How Can we Disrupt our Charisma?

To disrupt your charisma by talking less and making others feel interesting, focus on the art of active listening and genuine engagement. Here are some tips to achieve this:

1. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage others to share their thoughts and experiences by asking questions that require more than just a yes or no answer. This shows genuine interest in what they have to say.

2. Listen actively: Pay full attention to the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and avoiding distractions. Show that you are fully present in the conversation.

3. Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their emotions and perspective. Validate their feelings and experiences without judgment.

4. Avoid interrupting: Let the other person finish their thoughts before speaking. Interruptions can be perceived as disrespectful and hinder open communication.

5. Mirror and validate: Reflect the speaker's emotions and experiences back to them to show that you understand and empathize with their feelings.

6. Share genuine praise and appreciation: Acknowledge the speaker's contributions and accomplishments. Genuine compliments can create a positive and supportive atmosphere.

7. Be curious: Show curiosity about the speaker's interests, passions, and experiences. Genuine curiosity fosters deeper connections.

8. Practice storytelling restraint: While sharing your own experiences can be valuable, be mindful of dominating the conversation. Share when relevant and to add value to the discussion.

9. Encourage diverse perspectives: Create an inclusive environment where different opinions are welcomed and respected. This encourages open and enriching discussions.

10. Be patient: Some individuals may take time to open up. Allow them the space to share at their own pace without rushing or pressuring them.

By focusing on making others feel heard, understood, and valued, you create a positive and empowering dynamic in your interactions. People will naturally be drawn to engage with you more, and your charisma will shine through your ability to connect authentically with others. Remember, it's not about seeking attention or appearing interesting; it's about building meaningful connections that disrupt the traditional self-centric narratives and promote a more empathetic and supportive environment.

Shout out to #6. Giving genuine praise, commending someone for doing something you wouldn’t or couldn’t have done, and complimenting achievements goes so wildly far. You can see eyes light up.

Disrupting charisma is unleashing the power of genuine connection, where active listening, empathy, and authentic curiosity light the path to inspire others. Embrace your true self, and watch as your charisma transforms narratives, leaving an indelible mark on hearts and minds.

To disrupting,

Connor | LinkedIn