Disrupt Your Narrative | Apologies

Welcome to Disrupt Your Narrative

To disrupt your narrative means to challenge or interrupt the established story or framework that you have created about yourself, your life, or a particular situation. It involves questioning and reevaluating the assumptions, beliefs, and patters that shape your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Each Wednesday at 8am EST, I release a newsletter outlining one of the most impactful ways you can disrupt your narrative and begin taking control of your life.

What Exactly does it mean to ‘Disrupt Your Apologies’?

People always tell us to take risks unapologetically. I’m a proponent of taking calculated risks, but taking them apologetically (if necessary).

Apologies are incredibly awkward and difficult to execute. Even if you really are sorry, it’s all too easy to fumble an apology and make it appear you aren’t really as sorry as you say.

To disrupt your apologies means to deviate from the usual or conventional way of offering apologies and to approach the act of apologizing in a different, often more positive or impactful, manner. Instead of following the typical script of a simple, generic apology, disrupting your apologies involves going beyond the norm to create a more meaningful and sincere expression of remorse and accountability.

People will teach you to take risks and I agree, you should. But if you know to take risks, you need to know how to clean up your messes. Lord knows I’ve had to clean up my fair share (or disproportionately large share) of messes.

How Can we Disrupt our Apologies?

I believe the only effective way to apologize is to consider the 99% rule.

The 99% Rule - The rule suggests that even a mere 1% of accusation or defensiveness in an apology can render it ineffective and insincere. To successfully apply the 99% rule to your apologies, you must eliminate any hint of blame-shifting or defensiveness and focus solely on taking responsibility and showing empathy. 99% = 0%. Here’s how to do it:

1. Self-Reflection before Apologizing: Take the time to reflect on your actions and the impact they had on the other person or people. Be honest with yourself about any part you played in the situation, and genuinely assess your feelings of remorse.

2. Leave No Room for Accusations: Ensure that your apology does not contain any language that blames the other person or tries to shift responsibility onto them. Be cautious about using phrases like “I’m sorry you felt…”, as they can be perceived as insincere and accusatory.

3. Acknowledge and Validate their Feelings: Show empathy by acknowledging the other person’s feelings without trying to justify or downplay them. Let them know that you understand how your actions affected them and that you take their emotions seriously.

4. Focus on Your Actions: Center your apology on your actions and behavior rather than the other person’s response. Avoid making excuses or explaining why you acted a certain; instead, take full responsibility for your choices.

5. Avoid Defensiveness: Refrain from becoming defensive during the apology. Even if you feel misunderstood or unfairly criticized, resist the urge to counterattack or protect your ego. Defensiveness can undermine the sincerity of your apology.

6. Express Willingness to Learn: Demonstrate your commitment to personal growth by expressing a genuine desire to learn from your mistakes. Let the other person know that you will take proactive steps to prevent similar issues in the future.

7. Listen Actively: After offering your apology, listen carefully to the other person’s response. Give them space to express their feelings and thoughts without interruption, and resist the urge to defend yourself further.

8. Make Amends: Whenever possible, offer to make amends or rectify the situation. Your actions should align with your words, showing that you are taking concrete steps to repair any harm caused, even if that step is giving a person the time they need.

I’ve used this framework professionally and personally, and of course it doesn’t always yield beautiful results, but it is the best way to prove you are authentically sorry. Sometimes, the person on the receiving end just doesn’t care either way and needs time.

Why Disrupting Your Apologies Will Help You Disrupt Your Narrative

Disrupting apologies with the 99% rule fosters an authentic and empathetic narrative, building trust and positive communication. Embracing responsibility and avoiding defensiveness inspire personal growth and meaningful connections, setting a powerful example for others. This approach creates a compelling narrative that resonates with sincerity, amplifying its impact on a larger scale.

By adhering to the 99% rule and completely eliminating accusations or defensiveness from your apologies, you create a space of trust, understanding, and empathy. This approach makes your apologies more genuine and effective, allowing for healing and reconciliation in your relationships whether they’re professional or personal.

To disrupting,

Connor | LinkedIn